A short ride and we were home. There was a small driveway, lots of trees and a big barn in the back where the landlord kept horses, I was told. But that was no surprise. We were now living in the country after all. What was surprising was there were no curtains on the windows, no doors on the closets, and no sheets on my bed. My bedroom was completely bare, and for the first time in forever, I didnt have my sister to share it with. I remember freezing that night.
When I woke in the morning, I realized this was because we had no heat, save for a wood-urning stove in the living-room. I asked Mom about the hole in the kitchen wall, and she said the landlord was a drinker, whatever that means.
"Sister Gerda will be driving the kids home today, so I have to clean up the glass in the yard. Dont go outside until Ive cleaned it up. "she said.
This was the start of my new life. Other than a few misgivings at first, I was sure to have a blast. Our house was built on an acreage with plenty of room to play. Our neighbors were so far away that stones would never reach their windows, and so hopefully I would stay out of trouble for now. Wasnt exactly my fault. Dadddy broke things, too.
I was seven then, and the only exception was that when acted badly, I got the belt. No, it wasnt handed to me - one of my parents would lay me bare-bottomed over their knee and whipped til I was black and blue. Nothing strange about that. Spare the rod and youve spoiled your son. I knew this because I read my Bible - well, sometimes. I listened to the preacher as well. He talked about evil women who wore pants and caked their face with make-up. These women were called dog meat, in referance to Jezebel. She was the only one in the Bible who wore make-up and was fed to the dogs.
Little did I know then about all the things that would happen in this place where I would spend most of my childhood until I was fifteen, some of which I explained in this poem.
I woke up after midnight and oh the things Id hear
Something was breaking, it might have been the mirror
Daddy grabbed Moms throat in the kitchen one night
I thought he would kill her but he didnt right
Daddy dont go crazy dont hit Moms face
Mommy if you loved me you would leave this place
Im alive and kickin even though its hell
You dont want no one to know it but Im gonna tell
A marriage made in heaven
But a little too close to the ground
There were some family secrets
For years no one came around
Mommy told us never let them know
Just go on smile dont let your bruises show
Daddys gonna shoot himself in the head
Thats what Mommy told me one night in my bed
A few years later I was up and gone
You said that I was just the rebelious one
Brother got real angry with his baseball bat
He guarded all the doorways just to hold me back
Now Ive got something to prove
And I now that you remember it too
My black and blue eyes and the broken glass
No ones gonna tell it but me at last
Cause its true, I will not lie for you
You all know what I went through
You can try to keep your bitter thoughts inside
But Im sorry hate dont hide
Theres so many stories that I could tell
When I lived with you in your living hell
Dont blame the victim cause your guilt is bad
I hope that you still love me and it makes you sad
